Why Crossfit?

    I find that when something is strange to people, they are quick to question that thing. They wonder why a person would participate in that activity, hang out with those people, put their body through that. I feel like one of those things is Crossfit. When I tell people I Crossfit, I get a confused look for one of two reasons: either they have no clue what it is or they have no clue why someone would put themselves through it. As I have begun to think more about Crossfit, I think about why I do it. Why do I put my body through an intense workout to "be healthy", but in all actuality just feel more sore the next day. Why do I force myself to not eat that dessert that is staring at me in the face, when I should "love life and my body and do what I want." Why do I put myself through the constant early mornings and burpees after burpess (I really don't like burpees), just to what? Say I Crossfit? 

No, I Crossfit because... 

 It makes me feel strong. Never in my life have I felt like I could do the things that my mom or sister can do. But now, I know that I am almost there and I can see my strength increasing. 

It makes me feel healthy. Ever since my grandfather passed away from Alzheimer's and I did extensive research, I released that a key to not getting Alzheimer's is to workout and eat healthy. The thought of getting Alzheimer's is always in the back of my head, and I never want it to become a reality for me or my family. 

 It makes me apart of a community. Although Grace is awesome, I will not always be in college or in this community. Crossfit's community is one of inspiration, encouragement, optimism, health, love, and family. I am constantly inspired by each and every athlete that I work out besides. Their abilities to push through the workout and lift that bar that is 5 pounds heavier than last week makes me inspired to keep pushing my self. I am constantly encouraged. My favorite part of Crossfit is that the last place finisher gets more cheers than the first. No matter who you are or where you finish, when you are with Crossfitters, you will feel like you won the Crossfit games. There is optimism... okay this one is not always true. But, there is optimism from others towards you. Everyone always believes the best in you, even if you do not believe the best in yourself. There is health, everywhere. The goal for each individual is to get healthier, all for different reasons. There is love. No matter how much an individual complains, the love for Crossfit is always there. Love for the workouts, the pain, and the people. Lastly, there is family. I can say that the greatest of my friendships have come from Crossfit, including my beautiful Crossfit suite mate who constantly encourages me and inspires me. The family atmosphere of Crossfit shows me that I am never alone, but I will always have a family to be with me. 

It makes my mental state better. It shows my mental state that I can, even when I think I can't. Before Crossfit, I never believed that I would be able to lift more than a 35 pound bar, but Crossfit has let me physically prove that I can to my mental state. 

It provided me with consciousness of what I put into my body. Having my mother be who she is, I always knew that I should eat healthy, but before I continuously Crossfitted, I was unaware of how it affected me. Crossfit and good nutrition combined showed me how much they both effect my life. Good food mixed with a killer workout allows me to pursue my day with open arms and allows me to do all that I need to in order to accomplish my goals. 

Crossfit makes me confident. This is the hardest part for me. Confidence is not easy, I am timid in many situations and I have never fully loved my body. Because of Crossfit, I was able to go shopping without crying for the first time in eight years. For eight years, every time that I would shop, I would end up in tears, distraught with what I saw in the mirror. I was not happy, despite the encouraging words of others around me. I was dissatisfied with each part of me. After a summer full of Crossfit, I was able to go into a changing room, look in the mirror, and smile. 

Lastly, Crossfit makes this verse come true, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." I must fully honor God with all I do, and Crossfit helps me with that in every way, shape, or form. 

Dear Freshman Year

Dear Freshman Year,
     Thank you for making it hard for me to want to go back home. At the beginning of the year, I did not want to leave home at all. I did not want to move away from all I knew to live with a complete stranger, on a hall with people I did not know, in an unfamiliar city an hour away from my mom and dad, just to go to school. I was scared to be away from my family this long. I never did well being on my own, I was not ready to adjust to a place without them. I had no clue who I was going to have to live with for an entire year and whether or not they would be able to handle me at my worst or my best. I did not know how I was going to navigate myself around this school or this city that I was completely unfamiliar with. And I did not know how my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health would hold up after the year that I just went through.
 
    But freshman year, thank you for proving me wrong. Thank you for making the transition home so difficult.

Thank you, freshman year, for my roommate. I cannot explain how blessed I am to have someone that makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, challenges my soul, and every thing in between. When I look at who I was at the beginning of this year compared to now, I am positive that I would not have made it as well as I have without her.

Karly has taught me many things throughout this year that I will take with me on every adventure I embark in life. From our soulful to bedtime talks, I am going to miss having someone to come back and unwind with everyday for the three months over the summer. God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with this beautiful soul as a roommate. He knew that I needed someone who would quickly understand how I operate and would know how to handle me in every situation, and I am glad that Karly was the one for the job.

Thank you, freshman year, for my hall mates, this year would not be what it was without them. From five hour Just Dance parties, to riding in the trunk, to doing homework together, these girls have made my first year of college unforgettable. These girls have helped push me out of my comfort zone and do things that I would never have done on my own. They have challenged me spiritually, helping me grow and have a better relationship in Christ. But most importantly, they were some of the first people to show me what a true, Christ-centered friendship looks like. They showed me that a true friendship is one where you are vulnerable, you share everything, and you are open to be yourself. These girls are some of the first people that I have been able to be open and honest with about life and I am honored to have met each and every one of them. To think that next year when I move in, they will not all be on the same hall, and some not even at the same school, brings tears to my eyes. But I know that the friendships that have been built in just under a year are the ones that will last a lifetime.

Thank you, freshman year, for all of the other wonderful people that I have met on campus. It is incredible to have a place that I can walk across campus and see so many friendly faces. Although I could name many people, I thank you for two in particular. Thank you for blessing me with Ellie and Brandon. I have never met a person like Ellie, she is so beautiful inside and out. Ellie has been there to cheer me on and shown me a beautiful and positive outlook on life. Her dependence on the Lord is something I admire and I am blessed to have met someone who not only cheers me on when she finds out about my major accomplishments, but pushes me to pursue God without even realizing it.

Thank you, freshman year, for allowing me to meet Brandon. I never thought it was possible to meet someone that was so much like me in life, yet I enjoy so much. Brandon was there for my first college meltdown to our many Martins trips. He was one of the first people at Grace that I emptied out my life to and was able to talk to without worry of who else was going to hear about it. Although we act like enemies, thank you freshman year for giving me such an amazing friend that will handle me in every situation.

Thank you, freshman year, for allowing me to keep in touch with old friends. When I left high school, I was thrilled to leave the drama and everyone that came with it, but I was not to happy about leaving two of the most important people in my life. When you move four hours away, you realize that living five minutes from your best friend for seven years is a big blessing. Honestly, I did not know how I was going to leave Taylor. She had picked me up and set me back on the path I needed to be on throughout the entire course of senior year. Without her, I do not believe that I would have made it out as put together as I did. To think that I had to leave her was something that I never wanted to do. But, thank you freshman year, for allowing me to be able to keep in touch and see her. I am thankful to have such an unbreakable bond with someone. I am thankful that on the worst days, when no one else would understand, all I had to do was text her. Thank you, freshman year, for also allowing me to keep Brennan in my life. There is not enough room here to explain everything about Brennan and I, but to say that I am thankful that I have him in my life and with me at Grace is just the start of it. That boy knows how to handle me, and man is that hard. I thank you for allowing him to step foot back in my life, despite the controversies that came with it. I thank you that I am able to not only have walked through high school with him, but college as well. Thank you, freshman year, for allowing me to keep my best friend while I made new ones. Brennan helped me through college even when I thought I could do it without him. He helped me realize that I can, in fact, make it through the homework assignment staring me down and that I deserve a break every now and then. But most importantly, Brennan has taught me how to start caring for me. After moving into college, I have started to realize how important it is to take care of me and my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, not just everyone else. And I could not be more thankful towards Brennan for walking me through that and allowing me to see how to do that.

Thank you, freshman year, for all the opportunities that I have had on and off campus to serve this community. I think one of the hardest things for me to do when leaving home was leaving dance and poms. These two things took up so much of my life, I did not know how I was going to function without having them. Although I miss dance every day, I am happy that college presented me with different things to occupy my time with. This year, I had the opportunity to lead two different small groups that both challenged me and brought me happiness. The first group that I led was a group of seventh grade girls at Warsaw Community Church. To say that this was way out of my comfort zone would be an understatement. I have never worked with middle schoolers before and, typically, I prefer kids under the age of ten. But, I knew that, for what I wanted to do in the future, I needed to be able to work with this age group as

well. I could not have been more blessed to be put with the girls that I was with this school year. They made me laugh, asked challenging questions about their faith, and most importantly showed me that I can, in fact, work with middle schoolers. Although I will not be returning next year because of other commitments, I am blessed to have had this opportunity that showed me what I can do. The second group that I volunteered with was right in my comfort zone. I was able to co-lead the first grade group with a SERVE team at grace called sisters mentoring with a mission. This team, first off, is simply amazing. This team allows us to go into a public school in the area and talk about Jesus to these girls. Next, my girls absolutely challenged me as well as made my week better every Thursday. I could go on and on with stories about them, and if you would like to hear more than I put here- please ask! I am blessed to have been able to work with them in their first year in this program and the years
to follow, as I will be the second grade leader next year. Although crazy and unpredictable, these girls truly understood and asked questions about God that even, at age nineteen, I have never thought about. I am also blessed to announce that next year, I will be the student leader of the SMM team. I am excited to see where this journey takes me and what I will learn from this experience.

Thank you, freshman year, for blessing me with a major and professors that spark my interest. At the beginning of the year, I was a counseling major with a youth ministry minor and my first classes that I took proved to me that I made the right decision. With each class I take, I become more and more interested in the field that I picked. At times, I wish that I could stay in school forever so that I could take every class within the behavioral science program. As well as those two above, halfway through the school year I decided that I wanted to add another major labeled Bible. I believe that this major will help expand my knowledge on God's word so that I can better understand and teach others. I am excited to learn more from professors who truly care about their students and see where these majors and minor take me in the future.

Thank you, freshman year, for showing me how strong my family support system really is. I knew how blessed I was with the family that I have, but moving away from home only supported that previous knowledge. To say that my family is amazing would be a total understatement. First off, my parents. Although far away, if I needed them they were there in an instant. It was awesome to see them as often as I did and I am happy that I went to a school that is only one hour away from each of them. Next, my siblings. From coming home to see my brother and talking to him about my classes to weekly face timing with my sister, I see more and more how blessed I am to have such a close and loving family. I love that I am able to talk to them whenever I need them and lean on them through everything.

Thank you, freshman year, for showing me that I can get past hard times and face life, even when I am not at home. Even though I have such a supportive family, it is nice to know that I have the capability to face hard times on my own. It is comforting to me to know that I have the ability to face these things, but even more comforting to know that I have my family and friends when needed. Thank you, freshman year, for showing me this.

Thank you, freshman year, for challenging me. To say this year was easy would be a joke. I had to make new friends, continually step out of my comfort zone, learn to be vulnerable with complete strangers, and do all of this without my mother walking by my side. But, now I know that I can face these challenges and come through them even stronger on the other side.

But most importantly...
Thank you freshman year, for making it hard to say goodbye.

The big, the little, and everything in between

    It's crazy, isn't it? To have our entire life laid out in front of our eyes, then God just looks at you and says, "nope", and you have to move on, blind folded through whatever He is guiding you through. It is crazy, it is hard, and it is scary. This is definitely me rambling right now... but just stick with me, hopefully this will go somewhere. 

    At the end of my senior year of high school, I had a plan. That plan consisted of get through college as fast as I can, then move to Nicaragua for the rest of my life. Logical, right? Silly me, I did not think about all of the in-between; the people I would meet, the children I would serve, the information I would learn, and the opportunities that would be presented in front of me. I did not think through all the little things, because all the little things in my last year of high school blew up in my face, so I decided that I would forget about people and life as I knew it and pick up and leave. I can now hear God laughing in my face. Thinking, really? You think I am going to let you go do My work without first working on you. I constantly tried to bury all of my worries and pains into a world miles and miles away. Yes, God helped me do some amazing work there over the last couple of years, but I have come to realize He was not pleased with every aspect of my life. 

   Now we are in my first semester at Grace college. As I started life here, I thought man, these people are pretty cool, I am learning so much about what I could be doing for people here, I became connected to the local elementary... but wait. This was not suppose to happen. I now find that I am angry at God for making me realize that America isn't half that bad, that just because my life felt like it fell apart in the entire last year, does not mean that Grace is going to be the same. As my year progressed, I felt a gradual pull away from full-times mission in Nicaragua. During my intercultural ministry class, I realized that I was not even nearly equipped to go and work for God. Not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Man, was I mad at God. Not just mad, furious. How could he do this to me? How could He put a passion in my heart and then simply tear it away, just like a bandaid. When I say furious, I mean that I stopped talking to Him. I would pray my short prayers at the end of the day, blessing my family and friends, but I would then block Him out with any distractions I could find. I knew that if I wanted to settle what was unsolved in my heart, I would have to eventually have to face Him... but how could I do that now? When I was ignoring Him for what felt like the longest time. Well, let me tell you, Grace was the right choice for me, because God provides those people that poke at you to grow closer to Him. 

    That week at growth groups, our leader challenged us to have personal time with God. Seriously? If you know me, you know that I do not like to disappoint others, therefore I felt like I had to do it. Well crap. I knew I would not do it on my own soon, because every time I headed towards the place that I have my quiet time, I felt like I was going to get sick. I was worried. I was mad. I texted Brennan and asked him to help me make myself go. Eventually, with pushing from every side, I went back to God, angry but listening, even though I knew I wouldn't like what he was going to say. 

   As soon as I started praying, I was bawling. Tears were streaming down my face, I did not know what to do. In that moment, I came to the realization that God's place for me in the present is not in Nicaragua, but right were he placed me. It's crazy to see how God truly intertwines in your life. In that moment, he told me to be patient- my plan was not ready to go into action. There was to much that I was trying to plow through to get to where I wanted to be. 

  God has not stopped talking to me throughout this whole process, and this was at the beginning of January. Continually God has put people and information in my life to constantly remind me that I need to enjoy the middle ground, even if it is not what I see as "ideal." Not only this, but he has showed me that I need to work on me, be a little bit selfish, before anything else. 

   I am not quite sure why I wrote this or if it will effect anyone, but I had to write it for some reason. It is amazing to see God working through my life when I least expect it through the circumstances he presents to me. There is much more that I have learned here at school and more to say, but for now, to whoever is reading, please remember to enjoy the in-betweens in life. For me, this is the hardest part, but I have come to see that it is more than worth it.