Get too attached

I have always thought I was too emotional. Every one I met, person or animal, was someone I instantly cared for and wanted to protect. No matter what they did or who they were, I felt that I had a duty to love and protect them. Now, this was true for all people, but especially the outliers. The ones no one else cared about, the ones that were longing for a friend, for someone to say "I see you." Maybe that's how I got into social work in the first place. Everyone has their story and although I thought mine did not start until high school, as I reflect back on my life, I see that I've always wanted to be the one to be in the middle of the hard stuff. To listen when things got tough, not walk away. And maybe, maybe that's why I was pushed into a field I frankly knew nothing about. Maybe that was why social work came to me.

Now, that was a lot of talking with no explanation. Let's start with this week. This week was one of the hardest weeks since getting involved in the social work field. Last August, I started my masters program at IUPUI and have been pretty quiet about school since then. I have not posted on this blog in a while, and that's not only because I've been constantly busy. But, because I have had so much to say, that it felt like too much to write in a simple blog post. But, this week has led me to sit here, on my computer on a way too hot day in September, after a long week and lots of tears, to tell all of you why social work is so important and why three little words I saw one day on Instagram written by a foster momma, Manda Carpenter, have changed my life.

My first semester of grad school led me to believe that I was in the wrong field. I was surrounded by people who knew more about the field, about the policies, and felt more passionate and had more experiences in this field than me. Not to mention the complete culture shock I went through coming from a small, conservative Christian college in the middle of nowhere Northern Indiana to a large, liberal university in the middle of a large city. I came home weekly asking Brennan if I could quit yet, wondering why in the world I was trying to earn this degree.

Thank goodness Brennan told me no. Brennan told me "wait". He told me "things will get better, just wait till you start your practicum."

Now, I knew I could not quit. So I waited. And waited. And finally, I got an email telling me that I had an interview for a practicum at a group home for teen moms and their babies.

Yup. Teenagers. My literal worst nightmare. God was truly putting me to the test here. Not only did I not feel like I belonged in this program, with all of these people who were vastly different from me, but now He was throwing me to the scariest population that I have always refused to work with-high schoolers. The only thing that motivated me to go to this interview was that there would be babies and toddlers at the group home.

So, I went to the interview. And I felt like I totally bombed it. I knew nothing that the interviewer was asking me. I did not understand many of her questions and felt like I had a lot to learn if she was willing to take me under her wing.

And let me tell you, I was so grateful she said yes to me.

The first day I was to go to this group home, I was terrified. I had this image built up in my head about what these girls would be like, how they would act, and that they would destroy me. Again, teenagers terrified me. So, just like every time a problem arises, I called my mom. My mom told me that she knows I am scared, but that I was placed here for a reason. God led me to this tiny group home because I am met to be there. I am met to meet these girls and I will impact their lives and my life will be impacted because of my time with them. And man, was she right.

The first day I stepped foot into this group home, I was terrified. And now? Now, I am working there. I am a care coordinator and I get to spend two-three nights of my week with teenagers and their babies. I get to spend my time loving, caring for, and shaping these young girls into mothers and their babies into toddlers. But, more importantly, I get to love those that don't know what love is. I get to show them unconditional love and care. This week, we had an incident that resulting in many tears and a heavy heart. An incident that shook me and made me realize what those three words I saw on Instagram truly meant. "Get too attached" means to love individuals unconditionally, even when they cannot give back. To love them and invest time, emotion, and frustration into caring for and shaping them to be the best version of themselves they can be. To care for them and show them that, although they have faced a lot of crap from this world, there is somebody who is here to support and love them in a caring way.

Getting too attached is not just a saying that was made to be a hashtag on Instagram by someone wanting to get attention. Getting too attached is a lifestyle that Manda Carpenter put out in the world to challenge individuals to love on and care for kids in the Foster Care System.

And I am here to say that I will choose this lifestyle over and over again. I will choose to get too attached, even if that means I come home with a broken heart after a late night. I will choose to get too attached, even if that means I get nothing in return for the love I give. I will choose to get too attached, no matter how many mistakes they make. I will choose to get too attached, even if they get angry, cuss, and yell. I will choose to get too attached, despite the behavioral problems, the tears, the broken relationships, and the trauma that is attached to children in the system. I will choose, over and over again, to love the least of these. To care for the ones who need it most. And to do this for the glory of God. And that is why He led me to social work. That is why He led me to work not only in a group home, but as an intern in an elementary school. He led me to these people, these students, these residents, to show me that His love is never-ending and to be an example of an unconditional, getting too attached, kind of love.