What can I do to help my family in Nicaragua. What can I do from a little town in Indiana to help my family so far away. These last couple days have been the hardest I have gone through when coming home from Nicaragua. I feel helpless. I feel as if there is no way that what I did over the last nine days can compare to what I am doing at home. I have faced many questions in my head ranging from "How can I help while I am here?" to "Will I ever see my best friends again?" These questions are hard to face, especially when you know God's plans for you are well beyond your last trip as a student. I feel like I need to change the world for God, but I feel limited to the plans at home.
As I have faced the lies fed to me that my work in Nicaragua is over, I am reminded continuously by God through books, friends, family, and church that at the age of nineteen, there is no possible way my mission is complete. God has a mission for each one of us, and I know mine is to serve Nicaragua, but I cannot serve this country without more knowledge. I cannot face the challenges in a different country without preparing myself at home. As the last couple days have progressed, I have shed many tears in realization that I do not know when I will see my best friends beautiful smiles again, but that does not mean that I can sit still.
Today in church, Pastor Jim was talking about when God says go, we go. Of course, I took this as another excuse to get out of America on the next plane to Puerto Cabezas, Nicaragua- my home. But, God made me listen a little closer. Yes, God wants me in Port one day... but thats just it. One day. God has taken the last four years to prepare me for a mission as a student in Nicaragua by using the leaders at GSM to walk me through the paths. But now, I am facing this journey alone. I need to prepare myself for what God has next, no matter how crazy or risky it is. And that means I have to listen to all the little go's before the big one that God has already placed in my heart. I have to go to college. I have to go to my community. I have to go to my friends. I have to go wherever Jesus takes me these next couple of years to prepare me for what is to come. I am unsure on when or how I can serve at home in the future, but I know that I want to take the passion that I have for Nicaragua and bring it to my community. If I do not pursue life the same way in Indiana as I do in Nicaragua, I am not living out Gods plans for me. I am not listening to the small go's.
Although its hard to see where to go now, especially not knowing when I will see Nicaragua again, I know that I need to listen to what God has to say. I need to say yes to every chance that is placed in front of me, no matter how crazy. I need to grow in my own relationship with Jesus as well as help my community point its feet in the right direction. If I don't follow God's plans now, I know there is a big chance that I will not succeed in Nicaragua.
It's hard coming back to America and trying to confirm back to life. The struggles I have faced coming home this time have clearly showed me that it is not time to confirm to the world, but step out and show the world how mighty God is.
So... now what?
Honestly? I don't know. And that scares me. Going off to college, facing new challenges, and not knowing when I get to go back to Nicaragua are three of the most scariest things I have ever faced. I don't know any answers yet, but I do know that I need to embrace life in America as I do in Nicaragua. I need to say yes to everything placed in front of me, because I never thought twice about climbing up on a couple of pieces of wood nailed together to slab some cement on a wall... so why should I hesitate in living my life for Jesus in America?
And the answer is clear... I shouldn't.
Every day I am back in America, I miss my family in Nicaragua just a little more, but I know that they are not far away and that one day, I will see them again.
I love you my Nicaraguan family and I miss you everyday.
No comments:
Post a Comment