"Here I am God, send me."

I'm in that stage of life that I am questioning God. 

I ask him, Lord, why? Why did you have to change my plans? 

I thought I'd be content in an office, all day, were I can get my piece and quiet and see clients when it is up to me. 

I thought I would be at Grace for five years, in my Christian bubble, so I did not have to deal with what I dealt with at Penn. The views of others against me. The feeling of being the odd one out weighing heavy on my shoulders. 

God... why must you push me outside of my comfort zone? And why, why do you make me so excited to do so? 

Lately, that dreaded future question has been asked by many, mostly my own head. I think to myself... what's next? What do you want to do with your life? And when I think this, I only have one, simple answer. 

I want to change the lives of children. 

That is it. Plain and simple. 

But God has shown me that my "plain and simple" plan is not what he wanted. 

I am not going to sit in an office, waiting for my perfectly scheduled clients to come in. 

I am going to sit in a school. I am going to be present in the lives of the children for eight hours a day, five days a week, not one hour for one day. I am going to deal with little problems like a hurt feelings to big problems, like a student who has bruises from head to toe. I am going to get children coming in and out of my door, no schedules attached. I am going to get behavioral, emotional, spiritual, and relational problems. I am going to get students who are categorized as ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, and more. Then, I will get kids who are categorized as "normal" and are the ones who need me the most. 

I am not going to stay in my Grace bubble. I am not going to stay in a close-knit community, because that's not why God brought me here in the first place. God did not bring me to Grace to stay at Grace. He brought me to Grace to learn. To learn from my friends how to be a better, Christ-centered, encourager. To learn from my professors how to take my passion that God has given me and bring it to a world that is so broken that they tremble at the mention of God's name. To learn that I am more than I believe. Grace has taught me understand my imperfections and to love on and care for the least of these. Grace has taught me how to stand firm in my faith, even when the world is running at me.

God changed my plans. He showed me that I was not formed to be a counselor. I am not one to sit still, in an office. I am created to interact with students each and every day. I am created to be apart of their lives, to be their constant. And to do this, I need to step out of my Grace College bubble and proclaim, "Here I am God, send me."